We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
