By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
