you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
as a side note pls kill me
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