Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
