Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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