at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
