You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
