i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
