I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I just found puke in my bra..
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
