oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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