I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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