it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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