Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
