Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
