i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
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long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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