my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
