we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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