I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Randomize
