At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
