You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
