Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
