I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
