Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
