Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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