just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
