You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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