We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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