He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
