I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
