I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
