What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
