so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
