If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
