Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
