you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
