she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
