Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
