I want to walk on stilts...naked
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
