I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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