One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Randomize
