Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
