wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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