i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
