It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I have post one night stand depression
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
