In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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