I'm so fucking centered right now
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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