Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
