Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
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