where am i from again
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
