We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
