I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
