Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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