Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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