Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
