My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
