i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
